“We’re just out of food.”
This was the statement given by Otho McGravy, head of the FM-LSE Union. “We’ve brought on so many plus-sized agents, we’re simply having resources collapse on the job from lack of food. And also diabetes and general poor health.
The FM-LSE (Fat Men /w Low Self-Esteem) Union has heard numerous complaints about the hardships of sustaining a 5,000 calorie per day diet in such a food deprived locale. The direction they’re leaning? Texas.
“Everything is bigger in Texas,” said ICE’s Curves representative Ellen Franklin. “They can eat cows by the dozen.”
Kristi Noem’s office was reached for comment, but she was unavailable due to a conflict with the Westminster Dog Shooting Event hosted by Michael Vick.
Correction: Our editor reached out to Texas and found that not everything is bigger in Texas, citation Ted Cruz.